8 Aralık 2009 Salı

bir internet bagimlisiyim ben, neredeyse gururlu bir bagimli ama tam olarak degil.

bir net compulsive'in nerdeyse butun tanimlamalarina uyuyorum, dogru.

ama net olmasaydi, ne bagimlisi olurdum, onu da merak etmeden gecemiyorum.

muzik  net olsun yada olmasin var olurdu. mangalara erisemezdim kolay kolay turkiyede, fanfictionda iptal. sozluk gibi populer laf atma ortamlarida olmazdi, facebook koselerinde takilamazdim.

neye takilirdim dusunuyorum

kitaplara her zaman vurgundum, ona devam ederdim herhalde son hiz. bol bol yemek yerdim filan. oyle.

cok anlamsiz bir yazi oldu bu.

so when did facebook become a place where we write our desperate cries and spill the dirty little thoughts hiding in the shadows of our minds

it is a public place. a connection between person and rest of the world, some kind of an announcement board, a device dedicated to our selfishness and 'I' s. its where we get fake consolation, show our disgustingly needy personalities. it is nearly as bad as reality shows, maybe worse.

i remember the first note i ever wrote, it was 7-8 lines, about how i felt at the moment and i had no idea that others can see and make comments about it, i merely thought it was some kind of a blog easier to use. the first comments i got were quite positive, making me smile but also very emberassed. i remember saying, 'i would not write i if i had known you could comment' .

now i have more than...many many notes. i like it when people read them, some are written to be read, some are not. but most of them are my pathetic tries to communicate with someone and reach others.

but as nice as it is to be able to share my thoughts with people, i have come to realize, this publicity, this 'networking' is making me mad. it came to a point that i feel apart from the rest of the world when i dont have internet connection. and it is scary. it is scaring the hell outta me. i feel the need to be 'connected' nearly all the time when i am alone and it is horrible. the more i spend time on here, facebook or another public site, the more i become addicted to be connected. it is not even real. it is just the feeling of 'knowing' i can reach people. but instead of making me comfortabe, viceversa, it is actually killing me. being alone with yourself...is what i do less and less. think about it...before computers and internet....how much time did we spend ourselves, llistening to our brain instead of our mp3 players.

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