11 Eylül 2011 Pazar

Of family and all

"Mom, no Jennifer, listen to me. Listen. What do you know? What do you know about me?"
"I am your mother Freya, i know you better- "
"No you don't! Mom, you don't. You only know how i am. You  only know what i do because you see me doing it. You have seen me doing and you have been there all along but you dont know me Jen, how can you? You've seen me me growing up, you have seen me cry, struggle and deal with whatever it is. But what else do you know? When was the last time we talked? The last time you listened?  Think. The most i have said to you was how stressed i fuckin was about doing this or that and that was only because it was the obvious thing to talk about. What do you know about Freya Jen? What? Do you know my dreams? Do you know what i am in my mind? Do you have any idea what i want from my life or how i want to live it? Do you have any idea what my desires can be or the things i am capable of?"
"Stop. I know what you'll say. You will say it is me who does not talk. Me who does not tell you things.But i would. Jen, i would if i thought you'd understand only a fraction of them. Or if i knew you would not belittle me with your grand life experience. What do you know about me jen? You know i like to read, right? That i write and i listen to music and i draw. Do you ever get curious of what i read? What i write? What i draw? What i dream of? You always hated to talk about our problems.Our experiences. Whenever Richard did that, tried to talk to you, you would listen him only with that impossible arrogance in your eyes. We both know how you think of him. That you think he is weak. You think everybody who comes to you and talkes to you about their life or whatever they are facing, are weak. You have said it yourself, Jen don't try to deny it. We both know. But this is not about them, is it? It is about us. me. So tell me what you know. Do you know that i smoke? Who my first kiss was? When? My first crush? My first boyfriend? Girlfriend? Yeah, girlfriend. Did you know that mom? I knew you had your doubts, espcially after you came to me and said "i dont want you to be like that."  Like that. It was so easy for you. Like that. Like those."
"Well, bad news for you mom. I am like that. Very much.
C'mon don't act as you dont understand what i am talking about. You know very well. At first i thought it would be easier for me you know? Compared to the others. Because you have always been awesome like that and i thought you would just say fine and life would go on. Mighty wrong i was. I guess my brother got that homophobia from you didn't he? And he is such a democrat. Funny family we are. Ow, c'mon, don't cry now. I am not saying these things to make you cry. "
"I need you to know me mom. Or i can't be here, can't be with you."

" Are you going to say anything? "
" Mom ? "
"All right, than."
"Goodbye Jen."

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